Wedding Dress

If this post reads like a hodgepodge of random thought and confusing analysis, its because that’s what it is. Hence the name of my entire blog… But still, as is the usual, I apologize in advance. I also, much to the chagrin of every English professor I've ever had, never read over my writing. I already delete 95% of the things I write because the moment after I write them, they seem ridiculous. So this is me pushing stuff out before I have a chance to delete it. With all that said, good luck. 

When people ask me what my favorite verse or Bible story is, without hesitation, I go to Ezekiel 16. 

Go read it. Its interesting. In fact, its so interesting, that some Jews refused to read it because of how “interesting” it is. Seriously, go read it and then come back here.

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Crazy, huh? 

I love it. I love it, but I also hate it. I hate it because its so depressing,. I love it because its so depressing. Depressing, yet exciting. Depressing, yet, dare I say, hopeful. 

Its graphic for a reason. Its graphic because its about us. Well, its about Israel, technically, but us as well. We are the child in the desert. Here we are, little nothings on the big blue Earth. We’re thrashing around in our desert lives, left out to shrivel and die. Sadly, a lot of people do just that. Maybe not literally, but figuratively that’s all most do in life. They, and by they I also mean myself, go through life trying to do everything on our own. We try to be successful on our own. We try to learn on our own, find our own way, do our own thing, love what we choose, love who we choose.

Love who we choose. 

Dang. 

That’s me. That’s us. That’s the woman in Ezekiel 16. That’s the church. That’s not okay.

I can’t speak for other peoples’ lives, but I can for mine. 

I do all of those things. I’m the woman in the story. To God, to others, and to myself. And the worst part is…I’m aware of it. 

One of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced in my life, is watching someone go out of my life, and into someone else’s who cares so little about them and has nothing to give. That hurts. When you know you can love someone better than anyone else, but they go, still. 

Here’s why Ezekiel 16 is my favorite, because I’m both characters in the story. I’m the man who rescues the child and wants to give her everything she ever needs, only to have her give herself to others. I’m also the child as a woman, who throws herself to those who only want to take and hurt. Its a strange situation, I suppose, to play both the protagonist, and antagonist, but its a magic trick I seem quite adept at pulling off. 

So how does one who hurts others who care about them, but who is also hurt by others who they care so much for, untangle themselves? 

“Good question, Nathan.”

Thanks Nathan! I wish I knew! 

“Wedding Dress,” by Derek Webb, is a song that highlights that exact question.

Go listen to it. Seriously. Then come back.

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Feel like crap after that song? Good, that means the intention of the song got through. 

Its humbling. God loves us, has everything for us, will do anything for us, yet we try to get his love elsewhere. We throw God on like he’s a magic fix-it-all, when sometimes, we have to deal with the consequences of our actions.

Its Paul sneaking up on us through Romans 7:15. We know what is right, but that’s not what we do. Why? 

If I could somehow take every intellectual though I have about what to do in life, and actually do it, I’d be in a very good place. But no, we have emotions, desires, and wants. Things that make life better, but also just seem to pester us. We see a decision that needs to be made, and go “Yeah, that’s the right choice I should make! I’ll do it!” Do we? Of course we don’t. I don’t. I make the choice that I know I will regret, but in the moment, its the short term satisfaction that distracts and bids be come forth. 

I give love to the wrong people, and get uneasy when people that God sends my way, try to show His love to me. I’m repulsed, but politely, at least. 

God has rescued me from the desert, cleaned me up, dressed me in the finest clothes, and wants only for me to love him as much as he loves me. But I just can’t seem to do that. Its a switch I can't flip, an intellectual conclusion I can’t reach, a mountain I can't climb. I want to love people like God loves people. I want to choose God’s love over the waining and fleeting love of others. 

I don’t imagine its an easy thing to do, otherwise no one would ever have these problems. Ezekiel 16 wouldn’t exist as an example.