Preachers, Romania, and Horseradish
I’m cynical and doubtful. I always assume that things are just a coincidence and that there can always be “signs” if you look for them. Confirmation biases help people find evidence for anything they want to believe.
Growing up in the Bible Belt, its not too infrequent that people will approach you and say they “feel led to talk to you.” Whether it be a genuine feeling, or simply and opening to a proselytization attempt, they never seem to be much of a surprise. As a server, I will sometimes have tables ask if they can pray for me and if there is anything specific to pray about. Usually I agree to be prayed for and often talk about how expensive my school loans are in hope of a nice tip.
Lately, as I have been reading, researching, and studying the things I believe, I have been at a sort of crossroads. I know what I believe, want to believe, and how to believe it; but the implementation process varies by individual and has been quite difficult for me. It has been like a spiritual growth spurt, discovering new ways that faith and religion works, but still learning to live day-to-day with it.
I have had at least a half-dozen instances in my life where things have happened and people have spoken to me about things, and in a way that is unexplainable. I have had people talk to me about things I have shared with no one, and sequences of events take place in a way that cannot be explained with chance.
This Sunday at work I had a table of 4 gentlemen come in. They were nice, and I enjoyed serving them. The older gentlemen asked me my name, and responded by recognizing that my name is Biblical and asked if I new the origin of my name in Hebrew. I told him I did, which opened the door to a discussion of faith. I thought this was another “praying table” and was ready with my response of school loans to their inquiring of things to pray for. Over the course of the conversation, he told me he felt like I was at a crossroads. I had spoken very little besides responses of “yeah”, and “that’s right” as he talked about faith. But yeah, I was at a crossroads; a simple coincidence. The conversation went on, and he talked to me about prayer and how there is no “in-between” faith. The younger man across from him then chimed in and mentioned briefly that he was Romanian. WHAT? I am Romanian… Honestly, what are the odds. I asked him what town he was from, and it was the same town as my uncle… This is just getting weird at this point. They then talk to me about how they were literally in the Applebee’s parking lot, and decided at the last second to come to Longhorn. The odds are dropping at this point. Mind you, I still have told them very little about myself other than my Romanian heritage and my Biblical names. The older gentlemen is talking again, and is talking about how I am young and how it is important to “go down the right path in life.” He is talking and says something along the lines of “you’re 22, you’re at a point where you have explored both options in life and are making a decision.” I never told him my age… So these men come in at that particular time, that particular place, sit at that particular, one guy is Romanian, they speak about my life as if they’ve known me for a while, and they tell me how old I am. Honestly, if scenes like this had not happened to me a half-dozen times before, I would brush it off as a crazy coincidence.
My problem, is that when things like this happen, I am self-aware of biases people have towards recognizing sheer coincidences as divine. If someone wants to believe that dogs understand calculus, they can find enough vague things to put together to convince themselves that my out could be my math tutor. I understand that, yet the odds of these things happening, coupled with recent internal struggling and deep exploration of faith and theology lead me to believe that these occurrences are, in fact, divine in nature and cannot be ignored.
Now let’s pretend that I hate God. Let’s pretend I choose to believe in no god and that my way is best, and that religion is a way for weak people to feel strong. Even if that was how I believed, and even if that was true, I have seldom met people as genuinely happy about life as these 4 gentlemen. They all went around and told me their stories. With near-tears welling up in the Romanian’s eyes as he talks about the moment he gave up his own way and deciding to let God take control, no one could have denied the authenticity of this man’s faith. EVEN IF his faith was misplaced or false, he was happier than I am. He has more joy than I do. He loves people more than I do. He is a better person than I am. He is everything he failed to do on his own.
While this wasn’t something to spark a belief in God, this was undoubtedly a reminder for me. It reminded me of the things that have happened before, and the faith I had as a child. While I believe that studying and knowledge is important, I recently had gotten too deep in the theology of God, and was missing the personal nature of God.
I am not perfect. I fail everyday, and I often hate myself for it. But there is a way out. The joy on these mens’ faces, the joy of an adopted orphan, a fed child, a cared for widow. These are things that when I see, I am reminded and convinced that everyone has two options. Live my way, or God’s way. I had spent too long trying to prove the existence of God and being denied proof by the hypocrisy of Christians, including myself. I realized that to judge something perfect through imperfect people is simply foolish. The greatest movies of all time, with 100% favorability ratings still have SOME people who don’t like them. Whether it be the guy who wasn’t cast for the lead roll, or your 90 year old grandmother who didn’t understand the story, there will always be people who misrepresent something. To judge something without going straight to the source to explore personally is foolish. I have infinite respect for someone who explores Christianity with an open mind and comes back finding generally nothing they agree with, than someone who dismisses faith in a God because of a bad experience with people. While understandable, to not explore something warranting research just does not make sense.
I listen and follow a group of progressive Christians made up of poets, singers, and “science guys.” One of the people in the group was a former atheist who explored Christianity and put together a list of things that show how, at its very basic form, faith is highly beneficial. As I pursue this, I hold to these things as a base for belief. They are basic concepts that can be proven by believers of faith AND science. They remind me to not give up the pursuit.
Faith Axioms
God- is AT LEAST the natural forces that created and sustain the Universe as experienced via a psychosocial model in human brains that naturally emerges from innate biases.
EVEN IF that is a comprehensive definition for God, the pursuit of this personal, subjective experience can provide meaning, peace, and empathy for others.
Jesus- is AT LEAST a man so connected to God that he was called the Son of God and the largest religious movement in human history is centered around his teachings.
EVEN IF this is all Jesus is, following his teachings can promote peace, empathy, and genuine morality.
The Bible- is AT LEAST a collection of books and writings assembled by the Church that chronicle a people group's experiences with, and understanding of, God over thousands of years.
EVEN IF that is a comprehensive definition of the Bible, study of scripture is warranted to understand our culture and the way in which people come to know God.
The Holy Spirit- is AT LEAST the psychological and neurological components of God that allow God to be experienced as a personal force or agent.
EVEN IF this is all the Holy Spirit is, God is more relatable and neurologically actionable when experienced this way.
Faith- is AT LEAST a way to contextualize the human need for spirituality and find meaning in the face of mortality.
EVEN IF this is all faith is, spiritual practice can be beneficial to cognition, emotional states, and culture.
Prayer- is AT LEAST a form of meditation that encourages the development of healthy brain tissue, lowers stress, and can connect us to God.
EVEN IF that is a comprehensive definition of prayer, the health and psychological benefits of prayer justify the discipline.
Salvation- is AT LEAST the means by which humanity overcomes sin to produce human flourishing. EVEN IF this is all salvation is, spiritual and religious actions and beliefs that promote salvation are good for humankind.
Sin- is AT LEAST volitional action or inaction that violates one's own understanding of what is moral. Sin comes from the divergent impulses between our lower and higher brain functions and our evolution-driven tendency to do things that serve ourselves and our tribe.
EVEN IF this is all sin is, it is destructive and threatens human flourishing.
The Church- is AT LEAST the global community of people who choose to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.
EVEN IF this is all the church is, the Church is still the largest body of spiritual scholarship, community, and faith practice in the world.
The Afterlife- is AT LEAST the persistence of our physical matter in the ongoing life cycle on Earth, the memes we pass on to others with our lives, and the model of our unique neurological signature in the brains of those who knew us.
EVEN IF this is all the afterlife is, the consequences of our actions persist beyond our death and our ethical considerations must consider a timeline beyond our death.
