God is Absurd

The Absurdity of God

God is not what/who you thing it/he is.

          What is god? Let’s start with what god is not: a man, a woman, something in between, white, black, American, human, a church, a sermon, the Bible, a Christian, superman. god is not what we think, and nor should it be. To revere god in the way that we describe him, simply trying to describe him at all should be shunned as blasphemous and profane. The great thinker, St. Anselm, described “god” as “greater than that which can be conceived.” god, is greater than even what we can even conceive. Think about that. We can think that there is something greater than what we can think. god is greater than even that! To even begin to name god is to degrade who he is. Christians may sometimes think the Jews are a little odd to not even dare utter the name of god, but if you think about it, that is the only true way to describe god, you can’t. 

           Some people view god as an projection of their ideal selves. I am not always honest, therefore god is always honest. I am not always loving, therefore god must be all-loving. It is a nice approach, and it feels good, but that cannot be who god is. If god is merely a perfect version of a life, then is he not on par with the ancient Roman and Greek gods? Some see god as slightly more “god-like” than the aforementioned. he is all those perfect attributes, but he somehow exists outside of our understanding. He is everything we are not, but in a way we cannot yet understand. This still limits god. 

          God is may other things. Countless theologians and philosophers have dedicated their lives to understand who/what “god”is, and what such attributes of a being would be. To me, god has to be so much more. The more I experience life and learn about how differently god looks to each and every person, the more I want to gain the greatest understanding of how to think about god, but without creating an idol out of the search for god. 

          God is the absurd. God is exactly where you think he is not. God is the homeless, the drug-addicted, the broken, the sinful, the beaten, the scorned, the raped, the murdered, the deceived, the dead. How can one read through the parables of Christ and not be left in utter bewilderment. Each parable ends differently than expected. The father welcomes the son home, the Samaritan in the one who stops, the shepherd turns from the many to go after the one, the man sells all he has for a seemingly barren field. While on paper, we may agree and often claim to have foreseen the outcomes of the parables, we live in a way that negates our agreement with Christ’s teachings. We beg for justice. We scorn the wicked. We cast out the sick. We ignore our hurting enemy. 

          Holocaust survivor, Elie Wiesel once described god through the story of his concentration camp experience and witnessing of the hanging of two men and a boy:

           

                    “Then came the march past the victims. The two men were no longer alive. Their                             tongues were hanging out,

                    swollen and bluish. But the third rope was still moving: the child, too light, was still                         breathing...

                    And so he remained for more than half an hour, lingering between life and death,                             writhing before our eyes.

                    And we were forced to look at him at close range. He was still alive when I passed                           him. His tongue was still

                    red, his eyes not yet extinguished.

                    Behind me, I heard the same man asking:

                    ‘For God's sake, where is God?’

                    And from within me, I heard a voice answer:

                    ‘Where He is? This is where--hanging here from this gallows…’”

           God is hanging from the gallows…

          God is will never be where you expect god to be. God is in the eyes of the beaten and broken. God is in the tears of the orphans and the prayers of the desperate. God has to make us uncomfortable. If god becomes a force that we use to justify beliefs and ideals, then I pray for god to rid us of god. 

          God is found in the writhing boy hanging from the gallows, and god is also found in the love of one another. God is found in the sunrise and sunset. God is found in the tumbling waves and the sounds of the forest. God is found in the first cries of a newborn and the last parting smiles of a loved one. God is all around us. God is that sudden realization we sometimes have that life really is better than we often think and realize. God is the freshly fallen snow and the morning dew. God is a song, a dance, a painting, a poem. God is in everything and god is everything. God can only create good. Everything good comes from god. Laughter is good. Fellowship is good. A loving partner is good. Sex within the bounds of god’s love is good. God is good. 

          I get so tired sometimes when I hear people use god to justify their beliefs, or to condemn people who think differently. God is whatever pushes us—makes us uncomfortable. Jesus was not this being or symbol that came into existence to call together to the lost the downtrodden into a group of their own so as to rival their oppressors. Jesus came to tear apart every preconceived notion of who god was, and is. Jesus’ ministry was not to give us a clean and tidy set of instructions on how to escape hell. No, Jesus’ ministry was meant to wreck our lives and rattle us to our core. Even Jesus’ disciples did not fully understand Christ’s mission. Read the story of the woman at the well in the fourth chapter of John’s gospel. Jesus knew that the disciples would so heavily question his actions, that he sent them into the city while he meant with the woman who would later become a resounding echo of the love of Christ to all those who cast her aside and counted her out. 

          God is love. God is what we feel when we love. God is pain. God is there in our darkest and most painful moments. God is not a superman who rescues us from every trouble, but rather a loving father/mother who sometimes painfully allows a child to endure a hardship, knowing the strength it will build in them in the end. God is uncomfortable. God is comforting. God is gracious and merciful. God is the unexpected and unpredictable. God is the unreasonable and illogical.

God is the absurd.

Losing Our Religion

Our religious liberties are under attack in America.

Under attack from what?

Nothing. 

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American Christians have recently felt under attack, worried that we will lose our religious liberties and be forced to live in disagreement with our religious beliefs. Worried that our beloved pastors will be forced to marry homosexual couples. “Under attack” is the phrase I have seen pop up a lot recently. “We are under attack!” No. No we are not. 

When you are raised in a society that affords you everything, the loss of anything is felt deep in your core. 

The older I get, the more I realize that American Christians cry about being persecuted, while truly persecuted Christians suffer in silence. 

As a white Christian in America, I realize that I have extraordinary privallege. “This country was founded on Christian principles!” So, right from the beginning, if you believe like us, society is going to work more in your favor than for person down the road who believes differently. We cry for religious freedom, but only want Christian prayers in schools. We cry for religious freedom, but we only want our ten commandments on the steps of the courthouse. We cry for religious freedom, but talk down about and degrade muslim communities wanting to build a mosque to worship in. 

Christians do not want religious freedom. Christians want Christian freedom. 

As a Christian, this hurts my soul to a level so deep I sometimes find myself feeling physically sick when thinking about it more than I ought. 

Christians flock to the internet in outrage when a bill is vetoed that would have allowed them to discriminate based on religious preferences under the guise of religious freedom. 

We rally around a cake shop that refuses to provide a cake for a homosexual wedding. We want to move heaven and Earth to allow those people to refuse service to those they disagree with. Just as Jesus refused healing to those who did not want it or were different. 

Oh wait, Jesus served everyone. In fact, God’s example for our lives in that of His son Jesus, went out of his way to serve those people least expected him to help. If we claim to love God, and follow Jesus’ example, shouldn’t we be against things that would allow people to refuse service to others? Shouldn’t we WANT to serve those who believe differently than us?

As a Christian, I understand why people do not like us. I wouldn’t either if I were them. We grow up and embrace an attitude of accepting those that accept us, and bashing those who disagree with us. 

We fuel a society that says you either believe totally this way and you’re right, or you believe totally one way and you’re wrong. You can’t love Jesus and love non-christians. We say we love all people, but do we really? We love people who haven’t made a choice yet. If they chose to be on our side, then welcome to the club! But if they chose the other side, we throw hell in their face and want to be as far from them as possible. One side or the other. Republican or Democrat. 

The more I learn about Jesus, the more I realize how stifled his voice would be in today’s society. Jesus wasn’t the leader that the Pharisees wanted him to be, and he wasn’t the conquering ruler that even his disciples thought he would be. Jesus was his own. Loved all, hated none; forgive many, despised few. 

Yesterday the internet was flooded with Christians burning the Governor at the stake because of his vetoing of the “religious liberties” bill. Seeing friends and people I respect jump on the bandwagon really hurt me. Seeing Jantzen Franklin pen an open letter against the governor really hurt me. 

Where is the Christlike attitude we are called to emulate? 

Pastors have never been forced to marry someone they didn’t want to, and won’t because of the First Amendment. And how does the right to religiously discriminate sound good to Christians? How is that spreading the message of Christ? What kind of message does that send to those looking to us to be an example of the Jesus we profess to follow?

We claim to be living examples of Jesus. So if we claim that, then we need to serve as Jesus served. Serving a cake to someone who believes differently than us is our “woman at the well.” Our Lord went out of his way to serve and spend time with a woman who knew her place was so low in society that she could not even get water from the well at the same time as everyone else. She was the least of these. 

We must find the least of these in our society. They are all around us. They are begging to be loved like Jesus loved the least in his day. They are dying without hope and living without life. We have become too comfortable with serving those who see life as we do. We have become so closed to people different than us that is cares me.

Preachers, Romania, and Horseradish

Preachers, Romania, and Horseradish

I’m cynical and doubtful. I always assume that things are just a coincidence and that there can always be “signs” if you look for them. Confirmation biases help people find evidence for anything they want to believe. 

Growing up in the Bible Belt, its not too infrequent that people will approach you and say they “feel led to talk to you.” Whether it be a genuine feeling, or simply and opening to a proselytization attempt, they never seem to be much of a surprise. As a server, I will sometimes have tables ask if they can pray for me and if there is anything specific to pray about. Usually I agree to be prayed for and often talk about how expensive my school loans are in hope of a nice tip. 

Lately, as I have been reading, researching, and studying the things I believe, I have been at a sort of crossroads. I know what I believe, want to believe, and how to believe it; but the implementation process varies by individual and has been quite difficult for me. It has been like a spiritual growth spurt, discovering new ways that faith and religion works, but still learning to live day-to-day with it. 

I have had at least a half-dozen instances in my life where things have happened and people have spoken to me about things, and in a way that is unexplainable. I have had people talk to me about things I have shared with no one, and sequences of events take place in a way that cannot be explained with chance. 

This Sunday at work I had a table of 4 gentlemen come in. They were nice, and I enjoyed serving them. The older gentlemen asked me my name, and responded by recognizing that my name is Biblical and asked if I new the origin of my name in Hebrew. I told him I did, which opened the door to a discussion of faith. I thought this was another “praying table” and was ready with my response of school loans to their inquiring of things to pray for. Over the course of the conversation, he told me he felt like I was at a crossroads. I had spoken very little besides responses of “yeah”, and “that’s right” as he talked about faith. But yeah, I was at a crossroads; a simple coincidence. The conversation went on, and he talked to me about prayer and how there is no “in-between” faith. The younger man across from him then chimed in and mentioned briefly that he was Romanian. WHAT? I am Romanian… Honestly, what are the odds. I asked him what town he was from, and it was the same town as my uncle… This is just getting weird at this point. They then talk to me about how they were literally in the Applebee’s parking lot, and decided at the last second to come to Longhorn. The odds are dropping at this point. Mind you, I still have told them very little about myself other than my Romanian heritage and my Biblical names. The older gentlemen is talking again, and is talking about how I am young and how it is important to “go down the right path in life.” He is talking and says something along the lines of “you’re 22, you’re at a point where you have explored both options in life and are making a decision.” I never told him my age… So these men come in at that particular time, that particular place, sit at that particular, one guy is Romanian, they speak about my life as if they’ve known me for a while, and they tell me how old I am. Honestly, if scenes like this had not happened to me a half-dozen times before, I would brush it off as a crazy coincidence. 

My problem, is that when things like this happen, I am self-aware of biases people have towards recognizing sheer coincidences as divine. If someone wants to believe that dogs understand calculus, they can find enough vague things to put together to convince themselves that my out could be my math tutor. I understand that, yet the odds of these things happening, coupled with recent internal struggling and deep exploration of faith and theology lead me to believe that these occurrences are, in fact, divine in nature and cannot be ignored. 

Now let’s pretend that I hate God. Let’s pretend I choose to believe in no god and that my way is best, and that religion is a way for weak people to feel strong. Even if that was how I believed, and even if that was true, I have seldom met people as genuinely happy about life as these 4 gentlemen. They all went around and told me their stories. With near-tears welling up in the Romanian’s eyes as he talks about the moment he gave up his own way and deciding to let God take control, no one could have denied the authenticity of this man’s faith. EVEN IF his faith was misplaced or false, he was happier than I am. He has more joy than I do. He loves people more than I do. He is a better person than I am. He is everything he failed to do on his own. 

While this wasn’t something to spark a belief in God, this was undoubtedly a reminder for me. It reminded me of the things that have happened before, and the faith I had as a child. While I believe that studying and knowledge is important, I recently had gotten too deep in the theology of God, and was missing the personal nature of God. 

I am not perfect. I fail everyday, and I often hate myself for it. But there is a way out. The joy on these mens’ faces, the joy of an adopted orphan, a fed child, a cared for widow. These are things that when I see, I am reminded and convinced that everyone has two options. Live my way, or God’s way. I had spent too long trying to prove the existence of God and being denied proof by the hypocrisy of Christians, including myself. I realized that to judge something perfect through imperfect people is simply foolish. The greatest movies of all time, with 100% favorability ratings still have SOME people who don’t like them. Whether it be the guy who wasn’t cast for the lead roll, or your 90 year old grandmother who didn’t understand the story, there will always be people who misrepresent something. To judge something without going straight to the source to explore personally is foolish. I have infinite respect for someone who explores Christianity with an open mind and comes back finding generally nothing they agree with, than someone who dismisses faith in a God because of a bad experience with people. While understandable, to not explore something warranting research just does not make sense. 

I listen and follow a group of progressive Christians made up of poets, singers, and “science guys.” One of the people in the group was a former atheist who explored Christianity and put together a list of things that show how, at its very basic form, faith is highly beneficial. As I pursue this, I hold to these things as a base for belief. They are basic concepts that can be proven by believers of faith AND science. They remind me to not give up the pursuit. 

Faith Axioms 

God- is AT LEAST the natural forces that created and sustain the Universe as experienced via a psychosocial model in human brains that naturally emerges from innate biases. 

EVEN IF that is a comprehensive definition for God, the pursuit of this personal, subjective experience can provide meaning, peace, and empathy for others.

Jesus- is AT LEAST a man so connected to God that he was called the Son of God and the largest religious movement in human history is centered around his teachings. 

EVEN IF this is all Jesus is, following his teachings can promote peace, empathy, and genuine morality. 

The Bible- is AT LEAST a collection of books and writings assembled by the Church that chronicle a people group's experiences with, and understanding of, God over thousands of years. 

EVEN IF that is a comprehensive definition of the Bible, study of scripture is warranted to understand our culture and the way in which people come to know God.

The Holy Spirit- is AT LEAST the psychological and neurological components of God that allow God to be experienced as a personal force or agent. 

EVEN IF this is all the Holy Spirit is, God is more relatable and neurologically actionable when experienced this way.

Faith- is AT LEAST a way to contextualize the human need for spirituality and find meaning in the face of mortality. 

EVEN IF this is all faith is, spiritual practice can be beneficial to cognition, emotional states, and culture. 

Prayer- is AT LEAST a form of meditation that encourages the development of healthy brain tissue, lowers stress, and can connect us to God. 

EVEN IF that is a comprehensive definition of prayer, the health and psychological benefits of prayer justify the discipline.

Salvation- is AT LEAST the means by which humanity overcomes sin to produce human flourishing. EVEN IF this is all salvation is, spiritual and religious actions and beliefs that promote salvation are good for humankind. 

Sin- is AT LEAST volitional action or inaction that violates one's own understanding of what is moral. Sin comes from the divergent impulses between our lower and higher brain functions and our evolution-driven tendency to do things that serve ourselves and our tribe. 

EVEN IF this is all sin is, it is destructive and threatens human flourishing.

The Church- is AT LEAST the global community of people who choose to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. 

EVEN IF this is all the church is, the Church is still the largest body of spiritual scholarship, community, and faith practice in the world.

The Afterlife- is AT LEAST the persistence of our physical matter in the ongoing life cycle on Earth, the memes we pass on to others with our lives, and the model of our unique neurological signature in the brains of those who knew us. 

EVEN IF this is all the afterlife is, the consequences of our actions persist beyond our death and our ethical considerations must consider a timeline beyond our death.

And so this is Christmas for weak and for strong, the rich and the poor ones, the road is so long.

And so this is Christmas for weak and for strong,

The rich and the poor ones, the road is so long.

So this is Christmas…what have you done?

Another Christmas is upon us. Another Santa in the mall. Another Black Friday barrage. Another Christmas

Eve shopping rush for me and fellow procrastinators. Another season of trying to convince people I don’t hate the holidays.

This is the first Christmas for me since my “deconstruction.” In case I poorly explained it before, I have spent the last 6 months-a year “deconstructing” my faith. I realized that what someone believes, or doesn’t believe, impacts every part of their existence from the cognitive awareness of who they are, until their last day on Earth. Realizing this, I set out to study, contemplate, and discover what I believed, for myself. I made a deal with myself to be open to new ideas and ways of thinking, while not losing myself in the act of searching, if that even makes sense…

Anyways, Christmas.

I have never been one to do a big Christmas, like some people do. My family and I do gifts and such, but because of the literal geographic location of my extended family, my Christmas is usually a small affair.

Each season is the same. Jesus is the reason for the season. People hate nativity scenes more and more. Keep “Christ” in Christmas.

Because of my deconstruction, I made it a point to look at the Christmas story, and really try to put myself there in the story. I wanted to understand the story in the way God intended me to understand.

The Christmas story is far from the cute Children’s play put on every year at church.

Yeah, plays serve as reminders, and they’re great for a basic outline of why we celebrate Christmas, but if you actually look at the text, Christmas is ridiculous. Not ridiculous in a negative way, but in an incredibly beautiful and amazing way.

Jesus was born through immaculate conception to a girl between the age of 10 and 14.

What?

Yeah... We often admit that Mary was young, but just think about this for a second. A 14-year-old girl is engaged to be married to a man who, depending on which school of thought you believe in, is either an equally very young man, or a much much older man.

So now we have a young teen girl pregnant by her fiancé, which has had no sexual relations with her yet.

A young girl, pregnant with not her fiancé/husbands baby.

Shortly after Jesus’ birth, King Herod issued a decree that all boys under the age of 2 be killed. So we go from a miraculously impregnated teenage girl, to essentially an infant holocaust.

This story, even taken out of its Biblical context, is historic. Secular historians have no problem accepting Jesus existed (although the method of his birth is disputed), and His birth is even such an important event in history and religion that it is even talked about in the Koran (Koran 3:43-60).

I know I’ve seemingly butchered whatever coherent thoughts I had about all this (I’m writing this at 2AM, and I’m tired), but what I essentially want to point out is that, to make Christmas about nativity scenes, and keeping “Christ” in the name, is to minimalize the impact of the event we celebrate.

We celebrate the beginning of the life of a God/Man that was part God, part man, full revolutionary. A man who went TO the oppressed, TO the poor, TO the prostitutes, TO the orphan, TO the leper, TO the sinner, TO the lost. While I don’t have a problem with our Christmas traditions, I can’t help but look at the Christmas season and wonder what God thinks about it. He sees His children argue over whether or not there was a literal virgin birth. He sees us wage a war on the “war on Christmas.” He sees us spending troves of time and money on things. He sees us throw the homeless guy a few bucks because its Christmas, and the “time for giving.” The other 11 months are for ignoring those in need, but we feel bad for ignoring the needs of others around the holidays.

I like Christmas. As messed up as we all are often times, its nice to see people be decent humans for a few weeks in the year. I just wish the Christmas spirit lasted all year round. Not the trees, gifts, egg nog (no one likes egg nog in the summer), and other little things we do, but the spirit of people at least a decent person. After Christmas is over, we too often go back to our self-indulgent ways. Me me me. What can I do for me? How can I get back the money I spent on things for others?

What if in July, we give someone a gift because we just love them?

How about we give the homeless guy some money or a meal in April. His hunger is the same then as it is now.

In my terrible way of writing and trying to fit 5,000,000 pages worth of thoughts into a few lines, I’m basically just trying to say, look at Christmas differently, and deeply. Dig down under the surface of seasonal coffee and mall santas. Dig down under the surface of being “Christian-like” for a few weeks.

If you’re still reading this, I applaud you, and apologize. Thank you for spending a few minutes to read what I semi-consciously typed out while half asleep at the Yellow Deli at 2AM. I promise the next post will be much better.

Also, if I’ve managed to trick you into continuing to read, I want to also add that I’d like to have things to talk about. Yes, I started this as a method of getting thought out, not worrying about people reading or not, but I’ve noticed that as I do these, the hardest part is narrowing a thought down. For every post, I’ve deleted 10 prior drafts. I have a hard time centering my thoughts on a particular subject. With that being said, I’d absolutely love to be given topics or questions. The best way to do that is to message me on Facebook. I absolutely love talking about this kind of stuff in an honest, safe, and open way, but people looking to engage in similar style discussion seem to be rare.

NG

Father, forgive us/them, for we/they know not what we/they do.

Let me begin by saying that the attacks in Paris were horrific. To go into an urban nightlife setting, blend in for a while, and then detonate yourself killing everyone around you evil at its core. Regardless of a claim of a religious or political war, killing innocents is evil.

France is a country that has had more than its share of atrocities in its history, and each time is has come back better and stronger than before. This also brought back into light the power of ISIS and the realization that they are a legitimate threat not only to those around them, but anyone, anywhere in the world. If they can kill hundreds in Paris, they can do it in America.

Sadly, however, this is neither the first nor the last terrible tragedy carried out by terrorists to rock the globe. As is always the case, the nations around the world hone in on the attacks and offer prayers, condolences, and aid in exacting revenge. Each time something terrible like this occurs, it becomes an unfortunate, yet real opportunity to America and Christians to set a good example to the rest of the world.

We have failed again.

Following the news that ISIS was behind the attacks, I knew what was coming. Everyone would undoubtedly focus their attention not just on ISIS, but on Muslims and Islam.

We experience something like what happened in Paris, and we are quick to react with disgust and support. While these reactions are healthy and necessary, we too often become examples of hypocrisy. Again, as I have mentioned before in earlier posts, I am the worst person to be talking about hypocrisy, but I just can’t keep quiet.

In less than 3 days, we have all changed our Facebook profile pictures, we’ve reiterated our hatred for Islam and Muslims (we may not directly say ‘I hate Muslims’, but our actions make the point clear”, and we’re all ready to kick out the Muslims and make America great again, in the name of God.

How sad.

How sad is the whole situation.

While I, by no means, support Islam, I simply cannot forget that Muslims are people. I feel like when things like this happen, we are so sure that these people are the epitome of evil, and therefore God hates them, which we use to justify our hatred for them. Instead of calling for the refusal of refugees, and for the heads of the terrorists, shouldn’t we be praying for them and showing them the love of Christ? I mean…that’s what the Bible says, so why do we assume there’s an “exemption clause” in the Bible for terrorists who blow themselves up among the innocent? God loves an ISIS terrorist the EXACT SAME AMOUNT as he loves my favorite preacher and your favorite worship group. His love covers all and everything, except the terrorists, apparently…

Now while I realize this may come off to many people I know as a defense of Islam and terrorist, don’t worry, its not. It’s a defense of the love of God that I’ve personally experienced. I live in an area of the world that hates Muslims, and pretty much anything not evangelical Christianity, which is sad. When events happen like in Paris, I cannot help but feel my heart break not only for those who died, but those who killed. No, this isn’t a changed perspective after the fact either, this is honestly what I feel when I hear of things like this. My mind goes from the second they detonate their suicide vests, backwards. I rewind and wonder what they were thinking the morning of, day before, week prior, and years leading up to their death. I cannot fathom the kinds of horror and hell they must have been exposed to that somehow persuaded them that blowing themselves up in a crowd was the best possible way to use their life.

I look around me and see people throwing up their Jesus shields. “I’m a Christian, so I’m against Muslims, and they’re my enemy since they do not believe the same as me and people murder in the name of their religion.” The same day of the Paris attacks, 2 ISIS suicide bombers blew themselves up in Iraq and killed nearly as many people as the terrorist in Paris did. THE SAME DAY. Where was that news? Where were those prayers and thoughts? Who changed their Facebook pictures for those people? Somehow Parisian lives are different than Iraqi lives. Somehow, woman and children being slaughtered in the Middle East on a daily basis is barely news-ticker worthy. We hear of those things and think, “well, that’s just what they do,” so we are unaffected. Tens of thousands of butchered, burned, raped, and enslaved in Africa EACH DAY, yet that is just normal to us.

As Christians, our offenses are misplaced. We are offended and moved by an attack on hundreds in Paris, but indifferent when hearing of attacks on thousands on a daily basis in other parts of the world. We’ll voice more opinions over Starbucks’ “war on Christmas” than we ever will about the innocent dying.

I once heard a story of a speaker at a Christian college that will forever change the way I view events like this. The story goes…

            A speaker was once invited to speak at a Christian college. He knew that Christian college students attended chapel services so regularly that all the speakers and sermons blended together, and they were seemingly numb to the speakers’ efforts to “shock them” into paying attention. Knowing this, he began his talk by laying out some facts about starvation and poverty. “Every hour, 30,000 people die from fixable food-related problems. So in the 30 minutes that I will speak, 15,000 people will die, most of whom will have never heard of Jesus Christ.” The room was silent, maybe a random sound of attentiveness. “15,000 people will die without hearing of Christ’s love for them, and none of you give a shit.” Gasps. More Gasps. The President of the college and other professors don’t know whether they should interrupt him and escort him out, or let him continue and notify him afterwards that he is never invited back. People are definitely paying attention now. “See, that’s our problem” the speaker says, “we barely move a thought towards the news of people dying of starvation, but I utter a single word of profanity, and we are up in arms ready to fight.”

This is where I find myself. I find myself being the speaker in the situation. I was once a student in the story though. Sticking to my “I’m saved, my family is saved, let me hurry and die and go to heaven before I slip up and sin.”

We cannot be that way though. Its anti-Bible. Christianity is a movement of the realization that we are nothing, God is everything, and that despite our nothingness, He loves us with His everythingness. Being angry and upset at terrorists is natural and ok, but to remain that way is to disallow the grace of God that saved us, to save others that may not be like us.

Again, I often ramble and have a hard time condensing novels of though into a few pages, but I hope this makes sense. In my “Jesus-high” moments where I feel His love more real than anything, I cannot help but to be pulled back into a realization that more people have never experienced this feeling than those who have.

Yes, we should be careful who we let into this country, but to reject all refugees seems very unbiblical to me. I cannot picture a Jesus living among us today agreeing to refuse those in need. Could bad people hide among the good? Of course, but that’s a chance we are called by Christ to take. We should jump at the chance to help those in need. While I may disagree politically with allowing entire countries-worth of people into ours, when I look on the grace and love God has shown for me, I am left with no choice. While hanging from a cross, half dead, with nails in His hands and feet, and a sword shoved into His side shortly after receiving the literal most amount of lashings possible before death, Jesus didn’t pray just for those He loved and who agreed with His ideas. He prayed for the very soldier shoving the sword into His side.

We say be follow Christ, but we only follow the things we like. If these men can be radical for their faith (at least they think its their faith) and kills people, are we not then supposed to be radical for ours and love. They kill without thought, therefore, Jesus calls us to love without thought. We go to church and feel warm and fuzzy inside when we say we hate the sin and not the sinner, but when we see the sinner sinning by murdering innocent people, we suddenly don’t think that applies to them.

I have to be better. We have to be better. The majority of Muslims are like us, non-violent and tolerant of people. So, if they see the “bad apples” in their religion making a bad name for them, and Christians responding with love, then their reaction will be one undoubtedly of curiosity as to who the God is that Christians serve.

We gathered up our God and we gathered up our guns...

We gathered up our God and we gathered up our guns...

Preface: I am not an expert in any of this. This is partially an opinion piece, so                      feel free to talk to me about any disagreements or corrections. I                                welcome dialogue, but everything must remain respectful.

Its called Dominion Theology. Most Christians have probably never heard the term, but a scary majority of American Christians whole-heartedly believe in it.

Stealing from Wikipedia-

            Dominion Theology is a theocratic ideology that seeks to implement a nation governed by conservative Christians ruling over the rest of society based on their understanding of biblical law.

Go into most churches today, and if there are any flags at all, there are undoubtedly 2: A Christian flag, and an American flag. Typically, they opposite each other on stage. They also opposite the sides of most American Christians’ hearts, sadly. Now don’t get me wrong, I love America and I’m proud to be a Christian, but I’ve noticed the terrifying trend of the two merging to become synonymous.

We Christians like to tout how America is a “Christian nation”, and how our founders were God-fearing men. While I am sure some were, most of our founding fathers were religious…not necessarily Christian. Many accepted the idea of a God, but rejected the specific Jesus Christ as savior narrative. You don’t believe me? Google the term “Jefferson Bible”, and don’t continue reading until you have looked it up and see what it is.

Still with me? Do you have a better understanding of our founding now? I’m not proud of it. It is actually kind of disgusting how he just kept parts he liked and discarded parts he didn’t (Although do we not do the same thing?). Since the beginning of this country, Christians have enjoyed a privilege that people of different faiths have not. We grew up on the grounds of this being “God’s chosen country”, and how we have to “get back to our roots as a Christian nation.” Gay marriage is legal, so suddenly our country is “less Christian” than generations past…you know…when we enslaved people. Starbucks didn’t put Christmas themed things on their cups: war on Christians.

American Christians are facing an phenomenon that we are unaccustomed to: erosion of privilege.

How dare we complain about our country. Things may be legal and happening that we disagree with, and we may not be able to put big Ten Commandments displays at the courthouses anymore, but until we are being killed for our faith like so many people in the world are, then we have absolutely no right. We are not “God’s country.” We never were. Israel is God’s country, if he even has a country. God does not have chosen countries, he has chosen people. His chosen people are those who have embraced His mercy and grace and have recognized His love in our lives.

We should thank God for the privilege that, as Christians, we enjoyed for so long. We should also thank His for allowing us to be uncomfortable. The most dangerous thing for Christians in America is not gay marriage, Hillary Clinton, illegal immigrants, or Barak Obama. The most dangerous thing is comfort. We are nice and cozy in our Christian nation, to the point that we pay not a single thought to the plight of true Christians around the world. Christians being literally crucified, burned, beheaded, and shot for their faith. Imagine a persecuted Brother or Sister coming to America and seeing our uproar over a Starbucks cup. They would have more pity for our white, rich, comfy, evangelical, Sunday morning service attending souls that we could ever fathom on their behalf.

Forgive us, oh God.

Forgive us for bypassing the lost as we spend all our energy supporting a Kentucky clerk who won’t do her job. Forgive us as we fly our American flags high while our Bibles are lost. Forgive us for spending three hours talking about college football and not even an attosecond praying for the truly persecuted. We are so consumed with politics, our church denomination, arguing doctrines we don’t understand, and our white picket fence lives, that we completely lose sight of the call of Christ to go out and make disciples.

Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

                                                                                                –Matthew 28:19

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not putting myself up on a tower shouting down to the wrongdoers. I am the chief wrongdoer. As I go through life chasing after God’s heart, I make more mistakes in a day than most do in a lifetime. I just cannot go day-to-day in this ultra-patriotic, “Jesus for president” society without at least pointing out things I feel can we changed in order to better fit the call of Christ.

A Room Full of People

A Room Full of People    

     Concerts are powerful. When a group of people all gather in the same place and sing and dance in unison, something amazing happens, and they begin to share this unseen bond that can hardly be found in other aspects of life. Actually feeling music, and being with people who all share the same appreciation for a song is rather addicting. 

     As a Christian, I like church. I like the atmosphere, the preaching, the community, and the worship. I like the worship a lot. Its hard for me to pay attention, so naturally sitting through a sermon isn’t the easiest thing in the world for me. Worship, however, as an entirely different story. Worship, for me, is when I can cast aside all worry, doubt, questions, pain, heartache, confusion, and sadness, and experience a joy that I deem impossible to duplicate. 

     This is why I drive. This is why I drive two hours to Knoxville for one and a half hours of worship. United Pursuit on Tuesday nights has changed the way I approach and view worship. In most churches during the worship time, about half the congregation is engaged, and the other half is disinterested and/or asleep. While it is possible to block out those around myself and engage in my own time of worship, it isn’t easy. This place that I have found in Knoxville is what I honestly imagine heaven to be like. Not physically, I sure hope heaven isn’t an old warehouse, but emotionally, communally, and spiritually. There are very very few things greater than being packed into a small room with a hundred or so other people, and everyone engaged in singing to God. To be in a place where no one is waiting till its over, no one wants to be somewhere else, everyone wants to be there, and everyone is loving God in song with all they are. I cannot see even a non-believer coming in on a Tuesday night and not being moved by the experience.   

     I am a realist. I say all that, and then think to myself, “its just a psychological event that would occur similarly whether the music be christian worship music or not.” I’m aware this could be the case. However, I’ve been in those other scenarios. Yes, they are impactful and genuine, but there’s just something missing. Love is missing. The love of the people around me for this great God we are all there for, and the love of God that is so evident at times that tears begin to find their way down my cheek without my noticing. This time becomes one that I can take all the burdens of life, and throw them down at the feet of Jesus and wrap myself in his grace and mercy. 

     I am a terrible christian. I long to one day be the example of Christ that I am called to be. It is a journey that I find myself on everyday, taking one step at a time. These times of worship are times that I can come together with others in a smilier situation to my own and realize our frailty and failures and find joy and comfort in knowing that however low we go, and however far we fall, there will always be a God who loves us despite of our mess and perpetual failures. 

     I don’t know how long I will continue to come to these nights of worship. It could be a long time, or just a few more, I can’t know for sure. What I can know though, is that few things beat enjoying a beautiful East Tennessee day in a downtown alley of Knoxville covered with street art (actual paintings, not graffiti), and enjoying a fancy little latte. I still have 2 hours before service starts, but I just could not let this perfect opportunity to through some thoughts on a screen, go to waste. 

     Whether this is the first post you’ve read of mine, or you’ve somehow been willing to read everything I’ve posted to far, thank you, and I’m sorry. Thank you for reading it. This blog was less about people reading, and more about just me getting thoughts out of my head and hoping at least one person can relate. Also, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if anything I say doesn’t make sense or doesn’t flow well. I suffer from this predicament of having 10,000 pages of thoughts in my head, but the typing speed and patience of a two year old. I’m trying, so give me a break.